What I’ve been learning from Healing in these last five months is that it’s a gentle, slow process that simply cannot be rushed for it to be effective and complete. It’s persistent as long as I’m actively seeking it, and its soft presence is like that of a cashmere sweater or of a microfleece blanket as it begins to cover me with comfort. But if I try to force it to progress more quickly, it’s soon overwhelmed by the nasty, cruel things I’m trying to heal from, and as yet it’s not grown strong or bold enough to tell them all to shove off.
So I’ve been realizing that I need to pull that softness, that slow warmth over me and just quietly nurture it. Read, write, examine, weep, get angry, forgive… And let go.
Healing is teaching me that I’m no longer a victim of all the damage inflicted by others and myself. It’s teaching me that I’m free.
Healing is teaching me that I’m deserving of love, of happiness, that it’s okay to fully embrace these things because they are mine.
Healing is teaching me to trust the flow of life, of progress in different areas of my life.
Healing is teaching me to stop apologizing for my existence.
Healing is teaching me to believe in myself and my creativity.
Healing is teaching me to overcome all of my taught and self-inflicted shame and forgive myself.
I’ve had all this toxic damage in my mind and heart for so long that I know I won’t fully heal in just three hundred and sixty five days. And I may never fully heal. But with love and determination in my heart, I am determined I will strive for as much healing as I can possibly receive this year.
How’s your word of 2017 going?